Isaac and the Awkward Situations

We throw together five new bands with about 22 people. They practice all day, then come up with unique originals and sloppy covers, and play them for friends at the pub. This year had a rendition of “All Along the Watchtower” with powerful vocals from Annie Bartholomew and solos on a steel drum.

This band was called “Tilted Blue Bungalow, and they demonstrated the highest level of musicianship and professionalism of the evening. We had Jake Turman rapping about his “butternut Squash sack” in a creepy Halloween rap.

We had the Dirty Ethanolics- a band that included Meghan Packee of Not Enough Flannel, Carey Seward, Nate Harris of The Avery wolves and Paul Heflinger singing exaggerated true stories of drinking and debauchery- this is the song that won “BEST SONG.”

The chorus said “at least I didn’t crash into the Bently Mall.” This band also won the “best raw meat” award, a spontaneous award the judges invented for them.

“Truck Vs Mall” featured Eli Barry Garland, Bernie Bousa, Bryan Whitten and Nathan Zody all bedecked in flowery boas and masks. They won best band and best cover as well, for a wild rendition of “F the Pain Away” by Peaches.

“The Cool Dudes” won most blind (as all members wore spectacles), most cute and loudest. They played two covers I didn’t recognize and a silly medley of “The End of the World as we Know it” and “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” Sounds tough… except that they mumbled all the lyrics intentionally except the familiar chorus.

We didn’t award a “drunkest band” this time. I heard it was a tradition, but I didn’t mind that we skipped that one. Prizes were donated by the Pub, the comic shop, Fairbanks Music Mart, Conor Rainy and I.

A Huge Thank you to everyone who participated, to Heather, the Pub and Frank. Also to Sarah States and Annie Bartholomew for these beautiful photographs. (They look much better than the crappy ones I took)
I also want to thank my band Eamon Stack, Jake Turman, and Forrest Andreson. I couldn’t have done it without you. Thanks for being up for playing “Self Esteem” by The Offspring, though it was difficult for me to rap and drum at the same time I muddled through it!

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Thanks also for the creative lyric suggestions, here are the original lyrics I sang that night.

Monsters ghosts and ghoulies
Monsters ghosts and ghoulies
its just as a feared
why are all the girls in this town so weird
its not that I’m picky, its not that I’m lazy
but witches be trippin, bitches be crazy

I get nervous I almost barf
girl asks me to take off her scarf
and her head falls in my lap, crap
i need a needle and thread, stat

they want someone rich they want someone ripped
though the selection is thick its like tales from the crypt

I tried the mausoleum turned the cemetery upside down
Its hard to find a normal girl in this town
scanning the personals for a girl to skype
i’m looking for a full body shot she wants my blood type

Lookin for a nice girl will you pass inspection
or be like my last weekend: cast no reflection
eyes falling out from a zombie infection
the compass is going in all directions
with all the zombies on OK cupid
its looking like ok putrid

I’m used to questions like whats your income
i got indulgences saved would you like to sin some?

so my devil girl and i are going steady
She takes 2 hours to get ready
i gotta wait with her family in the study
they are all wearing matching hoodies
and i half expect kids to come askin for goodies
finally she comes down the stairs
with a short black dress and snakes in her hair

I got a nice car but she’d rather fly
or teleport, girl i gotta ask why
to the drive in movie its about her uncle
i move in close but something is funky
her mother sent angry flying monkeys
to chaperone, I lost my boner
guess I’m going home solo, I’m a loner.

WHISKEY! (in G)
G C
whisky for the lumberjacks and for the bikers too
Amin D
whiskey for the monkeys and the keepers at the zoo

whiskey for the astronauts, flying to the moon
whiskey for the air traffic controllers to sip from silver spoons

whiskey for china, korea for japan
whisky for the beach bums with their hair full of sand

whiskey for the kids going to school
whiskey for their teachers and for their principal

whiskey for the immigrants, illegal and otherwise
whiskey for the cia and for all the spies

whiskey for the pilots flying round in planes
drink whisky on sunny days or if it happens to rain

whisky for the sailers sailing round in boats
whiskey for the milk cows, the chickens and the goats

whiskeys so delicious it never goes sour
pour it in your garden, give it to the flowers

whiskey makes a man grow strong
a woman lose her pants
whiskey for the grass hoppers the spiders and the ants

whiskey makes the trees grow tall
and the roses red
whiskey is what you’ll want to drink until the day you’re dead

whiskey for the terrorists and the navy seals
make them drink together
have them share a meal

whiskey for mitt romney
and paul ryan too
whiskey for big bird and grover oh so blue

whiskey for the president
and the first lady too
whiskey for the unions the teamsters and the crew

give santa your whiskey
serve it to him on ice
he will move you up the list from naughty to nice

with the price of fuel so high
it’s less than gasoline
ultra high octane it burns so very clean

whiskey for the judges, and heather and frank
whisky for the bartenders, and for the wallstreet banks!

So I had an idea to request this be written on a cake, and then just walk off with it.
But it didn’t work. The cake decorator delivered this:

Oh yeah, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, I thought. So I requested a new cake… that would say this:

Then he put this on a cake.

Ultimately, I asked for this on a cake.

There’s more in my stand up act! Come see me, or book me at your club to see the rest of the set!

Free Pussy Riot!
Maria Alyokhina, 24, Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, 23, and Yekaterina Samutsevich, 29
are sentenced for two years in separate penal detention centers.

Russia does not have a Jeffersonian democracy
but it does have young artists and they wish to be free
Three 20 something musicians played a song that offended someone
they were expressing frustration that the church and state are one.

Art is essential like food and water and air.
We are not simple beasts, our world is confusing.
Art can distill experience and help us understand.
it can be sad or powerful, it can be quite amusing.

Russia has produced some of the most important artists ever
but now Putin and the church are saying art is important never.
What if Russia’s famous artists were alive today?
Would they be allowed to voice the things artists are wont to say?

Strosvikoyich, Gogol, Chernevsky? shut up and sit back down.
Barishnikov, Najinski Shut up, sit back down.
 Zhukovsky and Pushkin can sit down and shut up.
Wassily Kandinsky? shut up, sit back down
It wouldn’t be Christmas without Tchaikovsky, shut up sit back down
Stanislovsky  taught the world to act, shut up sit down
Dostoyevsky? put it in the trash, shut up and sit down
Sergei Rachmaninoff sit down and shut up
 Tolstoy and Anton Chekhov? sit down shut up
Grigorovich and Kropotkin? sit down and shut up.
Mussorgsky? Pictures in an exhibition? sit down shut up
Boris Pasternak? sit up and sit back down
Imprisoning artists is totally whack! We will not sit DOWN!

“we oppose- the capitalist mode, of art as a commodity
russia needs a feminist street band, to mobilize public energy
concerts that are illegal are the only one’s we play
punk rock at the red square, riot in the subway!”

Something about life in Russia has inspired such languor and angst,
but the children of today learn expressing yourself is dangerous.
Does it hurt the church so much to have some people point out flaws?
It was just 70 years ago that religion was against the law

I’m not saying these girls are another Chekhov or Tchaikovsky
but if three artists can’t play their songs, then no artists are free.
These angry punk rockers were doing what someone said is wrong
but they aren’t really that different than you if you have ever written a song.
Maybe they were the ones in school who had trouble fitting in
now they sit in jail and don’t know what will happen to their children.

The Western world is outraged by the injustice of the show trial
the way Putin hijacked their cause to get votes was vile.
The Russian media paints them as criminals but I don’t buy it,
Express yourself! Write a song! and FREE PUSSY RIOT!!!

More is on its way, I’m currently working on a performance art piece so this has sort of been pushed to the side. I am hosting Pick up Band League October 13 at the pub, and having a comedy showcase October 27. I am also discussing with a school about visiting them to write educational songs with students and Play improv games! Busy, busy!

I did a fun comedy set at the Marlin the other night. The bands were Jesse Hobbes, Spectacle, Feeding Frenzy and Thought Trade. Here are new drawings.

Many of you have already seen episode zero- its The Smoking pun! featuring Janice Jester and Nate the Knight.
Chris Green suggested I write a longer narrative for them.
I’ve already grown attached to them and I hope to produce mini-zines of their adventures. I will let you know when they are available, and post “episodes” as I write them.